People with herpes should wear stickers.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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