Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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