your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
