Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
