4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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