Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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