I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
