shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
