you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
