what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
