Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
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