She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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