The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
