I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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