dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I have demons in me.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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