The maid of honor just puked.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
