he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
How external is "for external use only"?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
