Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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