Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
