I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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