sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
