obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
