Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
