He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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