I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize