i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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