I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize