I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
