Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
