Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
