Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
This is the high leading the old right now
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
