He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize