I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
