Can i not drive my cunt home
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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