One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
