my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize