i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We talked him into tasing himself.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
