i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
40s are totally the cure
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
