I've blown a few things in my day
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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