yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
