Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
