dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
