there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
