dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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