Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
