All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
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