Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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