foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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