My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
