imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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