i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
