I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
soo... how was my night?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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