yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
