why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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