I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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