like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
