I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
