Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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