I am puke
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
