Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
