she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
