that's an acceptable place to lick
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
