On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
