i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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