he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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