if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
