I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
