and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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