people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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